When it's been 217 days. When it's been 217 days of being hurt, of being surrounded by pain, of being smacked in the face with health issue after issue... it can be hard to remember your life outside of your sickness or your injury. But, you have to. Because every one of us is surrounded by little kids and fried chicken and music that brings back memories and kind people. People will come up to me. People I know well or people I don't even like, and it can be hard to separate between average politeness and it's-only-because-you-are-in-a-chair-or-hurt. But, sometimes it is easy. An old student of my moms', now going through med school, stopped and said hello. I expected the usual hi and go, but he sat down. He did something that doesn't come around much for me anymore: he talked to me like I'm a normal person. I don't mean in the way kids want to be treated like adults. I mean, my injury came up, but he was thinking about becoming an orthopedic surgeon! There is just no end to the comments there! Except, he asked more about my recovery and other things like my writing. It felt friendly and I'm thankful for that moment in my day. I keep lists of things that I am, every day, grateful for. Little good things. And one thing always on my mind are the acts of kindness from other people. Someone seeing me and saying hello can easily make my day.
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I have been sitting here, not sure what to write about next. I realized there is no bad time for a reminder of this type. Thank you Bob Marley^^ Take a breath. You are here. Here are on this Earth and for a second forget about all the "buts." And before I tell you to focus on what is good, remember that those can be really small things. I am grateful my dad is such a great cook. I like my pen collection. I got to eat some Lucky Charms this morning! If you need to take a step back, try a grounding excercise that helps me: 5 things you can see 4 things you can touch 3 things you can move (Wiggle your toes!) 2 things you can hear 1 thing you can smell/ taste I am a very visual person, and looking at photos or videos can be good. I listen to a lot of music. Sometimes I need something slow to match what I'm feeling, and sometimes you have to put on whatever is loudest (maybe even better if you hate it). Physically touching things like putty or a smooth rock can also be soothing. Kinetically maybe do some jumping jacks? Below I have to videos: hopeful and calming, I think (left) and I can never not laugh (right).
And cute animals? You don't need a reason to look at those! I hope this helped, if you needed it, or at least gave you some ideas if you may in the future. Whatever your starting state/ mood, I think this was fun.
I passed by a mirror today and my bangs were up a little.
There has been talk about the strength in scars. About finding beauty in your own. I really appreciate, not the romanticization, but the acceptance and reality with self-harm scars. But will you take my ugly ones? The dent in my forehead? The obvious glitch in the ordinary. Or, at the very least, one of the many. Can you look me in the eye with that and still call me beautiful? It wrinkles my skin. It’s still new and it’s pink. Can you handle that? Because that one gives me no strength. Its story holds no glory. That too, is ugly. It doesn’t matter. I need to. Scars show a place of hurt, a place where you only grew back stronger. This one of mine shows an injury where I could have died. And perhaps, should have. Most people don’t need to know that. I don’t need any proof, whether you expect hardship, trauma, or even comedy. I don’t need your judgment. I don’t need you to decide I’m “still” pretty. I’m a goddess, goddammit. I’m smart and I love painting my nails. I have cool hair and I like word games. But… again, I don’t need any proof. Beauty doesn’t define a person. You don’t have to be pretty to deserve respect. And I think not pointing out someone’s scar (especially if they are obviously trying to hide it), make fun of it, or decide on your own assumptions makes that list. ASL is a beautiful language. Flowing and hypnotizing, it goes beyond words. That is why I embedded a video below. Sarah Tubert signs the opening number to the popular musical "Hamilton." I often watch song interpretation as a fun way to work on my receptive skills. This is the best video of its sort that I've found. She is so clear and expressive! I've been trying to teach myself sign language for a while now. Through books, websites, a few classes, and a lot of Youtube videos. On this earth, I think one of the most important things in life is to work to communicate with the world around you to the best of your ability. And this is taking a step towards just that.
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Who Am I?Hi there! I'm Whit, my pronouns are they/them, and I write a lot.
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Painting by Whit Acrylics on masonite April 20th, 2019 Words are a Quaker saying. George Fox? |