My mom is teaching me to use Facebook. I feel so old, asking her questions like, “If I reply to someone’s comment, do I have to tag them?”
Everyone knows that every social media site has it’s base.
So, I’m stuck feeling like a little old lady who lived under a rock.
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What is your happy place? The place you go in your mind to fight stress; a place you’d never turn down being. Don’t worry, you can have more than one.
I have lots of happy places. The first thing I think of is summer camp. The sun is warm on my face and I’m surrounded by friends and song. There is no specific moment, just general Light. The other day, I was hanging out with my two best friends, and we were all sitting on Iris’ bed. Pillows behind backs, feet on laps, and blankets and conversation on top. That’s a safe spot to be. Summer day. Hammock outside. A good book. Anywhere with a good book. Bookshops. Used book shops with shafts of light that show dust spinning in the air from piles of words. New books with smooth covers, waiting to be read. People in bookstores, hungry caterpillars and shy cats hiding in the books. Oh, they will have the best conversations with you, if you stay. What are your happy places? When do you slip away to them? A refreshed thirst for justice, anyone? I’ve changed my website, here, a bit. There are two new pages, seen up top, “Political Blog” and “Unfortunate Truths.” This is not just for me to vent (fair warning: I might), I want you all to help me build a conversation. Terrible things are happening in the world. What are you going to do about it? There is a war on women raging fire outside your window. What is your action plan?
I want to collect articles and videos to keep myself education on the current information. I want to collect opinions like seashells and lay them out on the table to look at. More information on the pages on how it works! A lot will be uploaded at once. Note: My deleting of the “Help” page does not mean my fundraiser is over. More donations will still help a lot! My first appointment is now in 21 days… I identify as pansexual. And… I know that I’ve already lost some of you. I am still working on explaining this, not because it’s a new or crazy concept, but because there’s a lot of heteronormative toxicity to break down. But, here goes... I will start with what bisexual means. Bisexual is a sexuality that is defined by being sexually and/or romantically (that gets complicated*) attracted to both the same and opposite gender (usually men and women). And that’s great, but it’s different from pansexual. Pansexuality (pan, meaning all in Greek) has to do more with “heart over parts” in general. The idea is that I can fall in love with anyone, man, woman, or nonbinary person, because of their soul. It doesn’t mean I don’t have a type or find some people particularly attractive. I find it to be a more inclusive term that includes transgender and nb peeps without question. When I first heard of this term, pansexual, I was ecstatic, that it existed, because it felt like it actually fit, the first term to do so. I did not expect the push back, especially from the LGBTQ+ community. Some people ask why I don’t just say bi, or that pansexuality doesn’t exist at all. Also, note that this doesn’t mean I am attracted to everyone. That would be like a heterosexual woman being attracted to every single man she sees, like, no. Being LGBTQ+ means knowing that it isn’t a choice to be. Whether you want to/can/will embrace it depends on a plethora of matters. With labels, you get a choice, and that’s why I like them. But, some people don’t and THAT’S OKAY. I have friends who say they’re queer and leave it at that because any specifics don’t matter unless the conversation is with the person they have a crush on, or whatever. Others will just shrug, if you ask, and go, “Meh.” I think sexuality is fluid and it can change over time, and so does your understanding of yourself. If you spend one month or one decade calling yourself a lesbian and later find out you are bi or straight or none of the above, that’s okay. You can call it a phase if you want, but life is full of phases because things change. If you find a term, or lack therefore, that makes you comfortable, I hope you can use it (even if only in your head).
I started realizing I wasn’t straight in sixth grade and it took me three years to get to nonbinary and another to discover pansexuality. And that is pretty fast! Some people know when they are 5-years-old that they are gay™ and some people figure it out when they are 70-years-old, and that’s okay. There is no timeline or correct way to figure yourself out. I mean, unless, you are holding on to a handbook, please, let me know. I admit that I am a bit of a hopeless romantic. Or a lot of one. It made not understanding my own feelings even more difficult. I didn’t know if everyone felt this way or if all I would ever know is a vague lust, but never love. It sounds dramatic, I know, but I hadn’t admitting these feelings of confusion to anyone, and as a result, never found someone to tell me that I wasn’t wrong. I wasn’t sick. I am as normal as the next person. In the sense that neither of us are. I feel love painfully strongly. This ache shows up in my writing, in how I protect my friends, and, yeah, in the way that some crushes can make me lose my balance for a moment. But, I wouldn’t trade my intensity or the depth of my love for anything. It is a strength, not a weakness. I find power in my labels. It is my way to claim my identity and take control back. I’m the type of person who likes clear lines and definitions. That choice, to figure out a label, to share it or not, is so important. I like being able to tell a group of queer people that I am a nonbinary pansexual person and them getting it immediately. That is a good feeling to me. If I run across someone who hasn’t heard of it, I often will try to explain a bit, but sometimes I just shrug and say, “Meh.” * There are two main types of attraction (not including platonic, etc.):
GenderSpectrum.org is a good reference if you are searching for further explanations Fundraiser through an evening of painting is being run for me June 7th in Orange. More details on the "Help" page and my Facebook. It is exciting, but space is limited, so sign up fast!
I made a mini documentary of myself and called it, "Learning to Live Again." Feel free to share. It was my first video project! Excerpt from one of my novels in progress.“Why are you not afraid of me? I have been ordered by Death to bring you back to Hell, vampire.” I’m still looking at the flowery skirt the girl has on. I have to be cautious not to look mad because to the human eye, it looks like I’m talking to myself. So, I cover myself with a newspaper and sit down on the bench at the bus stop. I sigh, “Then, why haven’t you, Nadia?” She doesn’t remember me and the fact that I know her name shocks her into silence. “I thought reapers had some sort of super memory.” “I don’t, you don’t… you are cheating death by being what you are!” she sputters. I lean in close, “So are you. Oh, you don’t think I know how it works? That Death hand picks his minions from souls that perished in battle to do his dirty work? You are not dead either, reaper.” The bus is late, and I’m worried that I will miss my meeting. “If you don't follow me now—” “You are not going to kill me. You are going to crawl back to the cave that you came from and forget all about what you think you know about me.” She laughs, “Why would I do that? I see your little games, but you can’t stall—” “1542. I know how you died.” You can’t kill a reaper, but you can send it back to Hell for a few centuries. It’s a complicated spell but the key is to know their name and how they died. The more you know, the longer the banishment. I have evaded my punishment for centuries, so who knows what she has been told of me. Still, she is one of the only creatures that can take me out once and for all. I might just be her Achilles heel as well. She is still frozen. “Listen, I have an interview to get to. We can finish this later, m'kay?” And I step onto the bus before she can answer. |
Who Am I?Hi there! I'm Whit, my pronouns are they/them, and I write a lot.
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Painting by Whit Acrylics on masonite April 20th, 2019 Words are a Quaker saying. George Fox? |