I identify as pansexual. And… I know that I’ve already lost some of you. I am still working on explaining this, not because it’s a new or crazy concept, but because there’s a lot of heteronormative toxicity to break down. But, here goes... I will start with what bisexual means. Bisexual is a sexuality that is defined by being sexually and/or romantically (that gets complicated*) attracted to both the same and opposite gender (usually men and women). And that’s great, but it’s different from pansexual. Pansexuality (pan, meaning all in Greek) has to do more with “heart over parts” in general. The idea is that I can fall in love with anyone, man, woman, or nonbinary person, because of their soul. It doesn’t mean I don’t have a type or find some people particularly attractive. I find it to be a more inclusive term that includes transgender and nb peeps without question. When I first heard of this term, pansexual, I was ecstatic, that it existed, because it felt like it actually fit, the first term to do so. I did not expect the push back, especially from the LGBTQ+ community. Some people ask why I don’t just say bi, or that pansexuality doesn’t exist at all. Also, note that this doesn’t mean I am attracted to everyone. That would be like a heterosexual woman being attracted to every single man she sees, like, no. Being LGBTQ+ means knowing that it isn’t a choice to be. Whether you want to/can/will embrace it depends on a plethora of matters. With labels, you get a choice, and that’s why I like them. But, some people don’t and THAT’S OKAY. I have friends who say they’re queer and leave it at that because any specifics don’t matter unless the conversation is with the person they have a crush on, or whatever. Others will just shrug, if you ask, and go, “Meh.” I think sexuality is fluid and it can change over time, and so does your understanding of yourself. If you spend one month or one decade calling yourself a lesbian and later find out you are bi or straight or none of the above, that’s okay. You can call it a phase if you want, but life is full of phases because things change. If you find a term, or lack therefore, that makes you comfortable, I hope you can use it (even if only in your head).
I started realizing I wasn’t straight in sixth grade and it took me three years to get to nonbinary and another to discover pansexuality. And that is pretty fast! Some people know when they are 5-years-old that they are gay™ and some people figure it out when they are 70-years-old, and that’s okay. There is no timeline or correct way to figure yourself out. I mean, unless, you are holding on to a handbook, please, let me know. I admit that I am a bit of a hopeless romantic. Or a lot of one. It made not understanding my own feelings even more difficult. I didn’t know if everyone felt this way or if all I would ever know is a vague lust, but never love. It sounds dramatic, I know, but I hadn’t admitting these feelings of confusion to anyone, and as a result, never found someone to tell me that I wasn’t wrong. I wasn’t sick. I am as normal as the next person. In the sense that neither of us are. I feel love painfully strongly. This ache shows up in my writing, in how I protect my friends, and, yeah, in the way that some crushes can make me lose my balance for a moment. But, I wouldn’t trade my intensity or the depth of my love for anything. It is a strength, not a weakness. I find power in my labels. It is my way to claim my identity and take control back. I’m the type of person who likes clear lines and definitions. That choice, to figure out a label, to share it or not, is so important. I like being able to tell a group of queer people that I am a nonbinary pansexual person and them getting it immediately. That is a good feeling to me. If I run across someone who hasn’t heard of it, I often will try to explain a bit, but sometimes I just shrug and say, “Meh.” * There are two main types of attraction (not including platonic, etc.):
GenderSpectrum.org is a good reference if you are searching for further explanations
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Who Am I?Hi there! I'm Whit, my pronouns are they/them, and I write a lot.
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Painting by Whit Acrylics on masonite April 20th, 2019 Words are a Quaker saying. George Fox? |