And why you shouldn’t take themI am proud of where I came from. I have spent a lot of time trying to trace my lineage and family with stories, books, maps, and history. I hate knowing that so much is lost to time. If you know me, you know that I don’t shut up about how crazy impressive I think know my family is. But, the trending DNA ancestry tests are not the way to go; and, these two Vox videos explain why, especially the first one (on the left).
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My mom is teaching me to use Facebook. I feel so old, asking her questions like, “If I reply to someone’s comment, do I have to tag them?”
Everyone knows that every social media site has it’s base.
So, I’m stuck feeling like a little old lady who lived under a rock. My great-grandmother passed away, at 94, in the winter of 2017, more than 30 years after her husband. Out of all of the stories I've heard of Marge and Walt, it sounds like true love. They met each other at boarding school, 1938-1942, where they were allowed to hold hands in the courtyard on Saturdays. They got married in their 20s and had four kids. Walt was drafted in WWII, and became an ambulance driver. To note, he was a conscientious objector and refused to carry a gun. My grandfather (their son) still has the letters they sent back and forth somewhere. The reason I'm writing about there is two-fold. In a few days, some family is gathering to spread my great-grandmother's ashes and I am not able to attend. I wrote something that my grandmother is going to read for me, as that is as close as I am getting, but it cannot possible be enough. Today, March 21st of 2019, would be Marge and Walt's 74th wedding anniversary. I believe they would still be together if there were alive. Right now, they are probably holding hands on some courtyard in the sky.
Problem #1(out of a few million) is that, in TV and movies, adults are playing teenagers. That leaves a lot of room for inaccuracy and influence to leave various levels of insecurity in actual teens.
This post is actually about problem #2. I want to talk about something that lays across choices of multiple people. It comes from writers, directors, producers, costume designers, and probably more. In a show or movie, you can always find the HIPSTER and THE goth in a movie. Note: I know that exaggeration is key in it all, etc. I’ve found that most people, in real life, aren’t ONLY one of those stereotypes (ie. jocks, nerds, savvy). The other thing is, even when they are, they usually don’t have enough time, dedication, or money to have that specific a wardrobe and persona. Most people just wear a t-shirt and jeans, like, everyday. It is funny to watch characters and think, “Nah, I've never heard of anyone thinking like that." There are two words I tag onto Christmas shopping: wonderful and stressful. Guess which one comes first?
I went shopping along the main street on the next street over because it is 70% antique/"artisan" places. It’s great for quirky gifts, so I go every year. This Christmas, I went alone, stopping in on a few different shops. I got something from one place for a friend, but overall I’d have to give a mix rating of them all. There was the intense expensive ornaments store with the owner who was on the phone when I walked in (with what what sounded like family) and did not say a thing. I’m not sure if she was giving me a suspicious look or just assuming I wouldn’t buy anything (she was right, I didn’t). A few minutes later, an older couple walked in and she quickly put down the phone, stood up, and said hello. It was weird, so I left and she seemed relieved. I guess I don’t have much to comment on this one. Then, I walked into ANOTHER overly priced thrift store and it wasn’t impressive. It was cute and I had my eye on one piece until I realized where I was. The store was owned by an older couple and adjunct to their ice cream shop. You see, I had a friend who worked at the ice cream part over the summer. She was miserable and said her boss was awful. And that it was a pretty easy job because no one ever showed up, but also that it was one of the worst jobs she’d ever had. The owner was mean and very rude. I went to see her one day, the place was empty, I bought an ice cream, and he came in to stand behind her and glare at me until I left. She told me he made a kid who came into the store cry. Who runs a kindergartner out of an ice cream shop? Lastly, there was the scariest one. It was a second hand clothing store for kids. When I first walked in, I couldn’t figure out who worked there, but I found a cute book. It was a big book of coloring of Disney villains! The woman was busy, so I sat down (the only place that I found all day!) and looked around. There were only two other customers, one with a stroller. In a moment, a young girl (college age?) ran in with a laundry basket full of stuffed animals. She was in a hurry, but really wanted to give the toys to a good place. The owner’s response? Horrifying. To break it down: the store doesn’t really except stuffed animals, only ones that are characters (from a movie, etc.). Ok, fine. She had this roundabout way of saying it and managed to be rude over children’s toys. It was obvious the girl was just looking for a) yes, we will take the toys or b) no, sorry. The worst part, for me, was when the girl left, the three women (owner + customers) sh*t talked her. “Well, English was obviously her second language.” *smug laugh and insinuating she’s stupid.* I felt dirty. I wanted to chase her down and make sure she was okay. Also, all of their surplus (or whatever) goes to a Pregnancy Center, which is a whole other issue. Anyway, I left. All of that was fun, I guess. This post turned negative, but I didn’t mean it to be. There is no grand moral of the story. I walked two blocks and in and out of stores. That was huge and I rewarded myself with a hot chocolate at the end of the day. Hope everyone had a happy holidays and feel off to a good start to the new year. "Oh, wait, it's only the 2nd? God, this is gonna be a slooowwww year." - Me, a little while ago today
Superstitions give me anxiety.
I don’t think I have that many, but I’ve grow up with family that takes them to another level. Of course, logically, I know they are absolute baloney. Still, my heart jumps if I don’t knock on wood anytime I jinx myself. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. You know, “Today has been so awesome! The rest of today is going to be great-” *KNOCKS ON WOOD or my head because that counts for some reason* or otherwise the opposite might happen. I hate uncertainty and I hate waiting for the other shoe to drop. Superstitions that if I think a positive thing, it won’t happen (fated BS) drives me crazy. So, believe what you will about black cats and opening umbrellas inside- all I know is that superstitions give me anxiety. Note: I am not including Murphy’s Law. That sh*t is scary [true]. I had to write this before the end of the month! I hope you all had a happy holidays (or at least, part 1).
I was feeling some emotional turmoil over celebrating a holiday, on false grounds, that is supposed to be about people welcoming other people into their communities and on their land. To be thankful for the things we have and help others, blah, blah , blah. Millions of people are walking across countries and piling into boats in search of a home and our country is turning them away. I wrote a post about immigrants in detention right now and added something to our grace for the meal. I just wanted to recognize them and wish them the best. So, I did. Ratings on the dinner:
Ratings on family time: Immeasurable, silly! I did have a fantastic time spending time with my loved ones. Even got to hang out with my cousin who I adore even though he beats me tenfold no matter what game we play. We ate and played board games and ate and played music badly and ate… It was also my dad’s birthday the day after! I guess all I can say is that I hope he had a good time! Happy birthday, dad. Anniversaries can bring up muck from the very bottom of the river. We like to pair them with happy events, such as, weddings and birthdays for the most part. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.
So, what do you do if this anniversary -for lack of a better word- is painful? It can be a tug of war between pretending it doesn’t matter and not knowing what to do if it is important. It depends on what the “occasion” -that doesn’t feel right- is, but it is normal to want to do something. Maybe take a long shower and give yourself a nice night. I had a rough day last month and I had to force myself to do the opposite, I surrounded myself with friends and packed a thousand things to do in my day. These days aren’t just reminders of what happened a month, a year, or three years ago, they are reminders of how far you’ve come since then. Remind yourself of all the steps you’ve made since the last time this day was so important, yes, even the baby steps. Pick flowers and write a love letter to yourself on a park bench. You deserve it because one day can never mean everything, and it cannot take away your progress. It is always going to be just a day. Stay strong. So, not like the oatmeal. No, we didn’t die out in the 1600s or whatever. And no I’m not Amish.
Quakers make up the Religious Society of Friends. We are peaceful, pacifists, always loving, never judgmental, and live with simplicity. Or… we try to? The main thing I’d like people to understand about Quakers is the the name, in itself, is a broad term. Many of us do not identify as Christian, but something separate all together and more universal. Some Quakers read and worship the Bible, while other do not. There is no big, scary initiation into Quakerism. We are just a group of people who believe we each have a direct connection with God. Or, some sort of higher being. My God may be different from yours, and that is ok. Our churches are called meeting houses, as we have meetings (ie. pray time). They can get pretty big, to accommodate for lots of people, but we try to keep them simple. We don’t believe that we need any sort of special space to connect with the Light, and decorations can be distracting. Pews are usually arranged to face each other in a circle. And we sit like that, for an hour of silence. The cool thing is, my mom and I had our own Quaker service this morning. She found a query (a thought provoking question with no definite answer) and we sat with each other on the couch. Ten minutes. That was all, but we both spoke for a moment when we felt moved to. And I can’t quite explain the power and emptying your mind and being in the space you are in. Personally, I have two beliefs I hold strong. My God is the Light. All the good things that exist and and overall something That I can’t quite put my finger on. And every single human being has a little bit of that Light in them, as hard as it may be, even for me, to believe. But, if they have that of God in them, who am I to judge? I do not know what they have been through, and this is not excusing anyone. It carries over to more extreme cases. Like, death. I believe that, since you have the Light in you, no one but God can judge your life. Why is one soul more valuable than the next? That is one reason we don’t believe in war. That is certainly true for me. I can’t justify murder or the death penalty. And, people have tried to “catch me” with what ifs. No, I do NOT blame victims if they killed their attacker or abuser out of self- defense. But, in other scenarios I do wish for second options. No, I am NOT anti-choice; abortion is NOT murder, and it can save the pregnant woman’s life (whatever her reason). Yes, I believe in punishment, but taking a life goes too far for me. These are my beliefs. My spirituality, my religion, is only my own. I do not want to hurt anyone. In my actions, I try to help as many people as I can. Because I believe in the Light. I know that good things are possible. No matter how unlikely if may feel at 2am. I am always growing and changing, so do my Truths. And so do everyone else’s. Some definitions to get us started… (Incomplete) Definitions from Merriam-Webster / Personal definition Knowledge: noun (a1) the fact or condition of knowing something with familiarity gained through experience or association (b1) the fact or condition of being aware of something Personal Information stored from reading, hearing, or experiencing; Unused, raw data stored in memory. Intelligence: noun (a1) the ability to learn or understand or to deal with new or trying situations (a2) the ability to apply knowledge to manipulate one's environment or to think abstractly as measured by objective criteria (such as tests) The ability to apply knowledge towards personal goals or objectives; The ability and openness to accept more knowledge. Wisdom: noun (a) ability to discern inner qualities and relationships (b) good sense (see JUDGEMENT) An understanding of something larger than yourself; An intelligence that comes with experience. Common Sense: noun / sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts Instinctual understanding around social, cultural, street, and boundary issues without being told; Caution and, therefore, lower probability to engage in stupid and/or dangerous situations. The thing I’m trying to say is that someone can know a lot and know nothing at the same time. You can study for years to get a law degree at Harvard, but you will have puppy dog eyes until you get out of the books and onto the streets. Whether that be a courtroom or an office, experience matters. Another side of it is that no amount of assumptions based on stereotypes will tell you how smart a person is. Maybe they never had access or money for a good academic education, but they can figure out how to fix any motor just by looking at it. Or they might be an amazing story teller even if they don’t know how to read.
There is more than one way to be smart. Being good at math in school counts! But, so does understanding the economics of a home/ small community business interaction. Criminals are often very intelligent. Click here to read an article by Peter Holley from the Washington Post “Why you shouldn’t be surprised that prisoners crushed Harvard’s debate team.” Take my parents for example. One of them went to an international boarding school, coming from a small town. Joined the Peace Corps and now has a BA in Geology, an MA in Spanish and one in Education. They have traveled the world and now teach at a prestigious high school. The other grew up in a town that only have K-8th. After that, you were on your own. They managed to get a high school diploma, but much later in life. They were a farmer and can still come up with the craziest ways to fix things. They know how to jerry-rig solutions using just what they have in front of them. THEN, they travel to a foreign country, learn the language by themselves— just by being there— and a few years later, get an Associate’s Degree. Even with crazy amounts of help, it took determination to go to college in a foreign language. They found a way to make the fridge door close when it wouldn’t all the way, how to keep ants mostly out of the hummingbird feeder, and how to make me laugh. I mean, I have spectacular parents, so a little shout out. I can’t compare their intelligence, and I don’t have to. They both love me and help heal my wounds. Maybe a side note, but I want to give thanks. People skills, having an innate way of finding connections with people, is also a priceless talent. So is music and art and other things that can be hard to label. An end to the possible things to learn in this world doesn’t exist. There are different ways to learn and there are different things to know. Think you a minute, and don’t diminish any talent, Where does your intelligence lie? Where to have the most knowledge? What are your strengths? And, finally: how can you use these truths to help others? I know, even that sentence makes me cringe. I don’t know who all might see this, so I will try to make the knowledge I am about to bestow on you all, pretty general. Here are some of my back to school reminders.
Academic
Packet for Bio DUE I write out all the due dates for homework and all tests as far in advance as I know them. It can be calming to have it all set out in front of you. This is what I am going to do. And the list gets shorter. As Douglas Adams says in The Salmon of Doubt, “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” Don’t let your days pass you by! Write down school stuff, sports, and personal self-care. Have a physical reminder to tell you to run or sit down to read for 20 minutes. One last author quote, Mark Twain once said to not let your education interfere with your learning.
Social Just kidding. I got nothing for you there. People say to be yourself. Do that. If you happen to be in middle school, I wish you luck. I know these three years are hard but remember that everyone is growing. If you are having trouble with your self-esteem, know that everyone else is too. You’re all growing out of old hobbies and making new friends. You don’t have to let that effect your learning or your emotional health. Don’t be friends with people for social standing or anything if they are harmful to you. It isn’t worth it to surround yourself with toxic friends. You deserve the best and will get it! Emotional Take care of yourself! Your mental health is always more important than grades! Make a list of things that help you when you are stressed. A shower, a 7-minute YouTube playlist of people singing in impressions of cartoon characters, or even sharpening all of your pencils. It doesn’t matter! I hope you find ways to balance out life because it can feel impossible. You’ve got this! Believe in yourself or I will hire a barbershop quartet to sing how much I believe-in-you-for-you-until-you-start-to-believe-in-yourself-! Whether you are in school or working, you got this! Let's make this a great year! This is a step-by-step tutorial on how to start making your own aesthetics. Tech-collages can be soothing to make and look at. There are endless possibilities and that can sometimes feel overwhelming. This activity should never be stressful- take breaks if you need it, because you deserve fun! Select a place to set up.
Choose a theme!
Pick photos!
Arrange at will!
There is only one rule… HAVE FUN !!! Play with different styles and remember that you don’t have to share them with anyone. Continue healing and growing and loving! I wish you enough. ~W I have recently started to try and make my own playlists on Spotify, they are public, so I thought I’d share them here.
The first one feels so important I am having trouble deciding what is worthy of putting on because it is my Writing Hum. It’s So Bad It’s Good Here you will find my guilty pleasures. It consists mainly of pop songs that I sort of wish I didn’t like. It doesn’t quite fit in with my 20s swing aesthetic. If you, especially the ladies out there, are feeling powerful in the moment Back It Up with some jams. If you need a boost these songs might just get you there. On another note, I usually use pre-made playlists (mainly by Spotify) and I hit the gold mine with this one. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but the usually calm tunes pump me up. I often listen to it while I trying to work on characterization in my writing. Femme Fatale “Water are you doing this summer? Seas the day!” This isn’t a philosophy or physics evaluation of any sorts. Looking back on this July makes me -- happy, confused, and lonely at the same time/ it's miserable and magical, oh yeah// -- ha, T. Swizzle reference. Anyway, I have gotten to see family, sleep overnight in hotels that are 50 miles from my house (long story, but it doesn't matter because I feel so fancy), meet confidence boosting personal goals in my writing, and completely lose all sense of priorities and order. I have one of those obnoxious eecards next to my desk that reads: I add 'Read Books' to my to-do list every day so I know I'll get at least one things done." My mom plopped that on my desk out of nowhere a while ago, and it hasn't lost it's tbh-ness.*
One thing in particular made me stop yesterday. I am still healing from severe injuries to my feet, I have the coolest orthopedic shoes I could manage with my given options, but they are still quite hardy. I'm still clumsy, that hasn't changed, and I feel the shock in the rest of my body and hear the sound when I stub my toe. Or the closest equivalent. I used to do it all the time and had to spend the next two minutes jumping around and cursing the inanimate object I ran into. Except, now, I don't feel a thing. And that isn't fair! I want to be able to bang my foot against something and notice! Yes, those thoughts did actually pass through my head, true story. It is silly because there's even a possibility that if I did have more sensation that it would be more excruciating because of the injury. It leads to one question: Would you rather go through life not feeling most pain (physical+mental+emotional+social) and be in jeopardy of missing problems, or suffer through it all to grow a stronger backbone?** I'm not sure of my answer because I know what I want it to be... and than what I might realistically choose given the opportunity. In the life we live in, the only option is to go through it. Little by little we rise and fall. Recovery from anything from an illness to a bad habit is never linear. You will have downs, but big picture, you will beat it. You are stronger than you think you are. I hope you don't have to test that, but know that you can if need be. *TBH: to be honest. I was just describing the embarrassing truth that it brings. ** Unless your pain eminates from your back. Maybe it seems silly to hold onto a role model I found when my aunt gave me a CD eight years ago. But, I can remember the first moment in the hospital when I needed that comfort, still rooted in soft-edged memories as a kid. I was going through a painful procedure, awake, and needed something to stay calm. Hearing the familiar melodies did the trick. I knew music would help, but for a second, I couldn’t think of what kind. Until her name popped into my head. Taylor Swift’s music saved my life. I get mildly mocked for liking the famous popstar, which is funny because she hasn’t done anyone awful. No drugs or criminal activity, nothing too wild and it’s one reason she stays grounding for me. I like to focus on her silly selfies with her cats and her comedic music videos. In any moment of anxiety, still, I pull up her playlist. I shuffle through 12 years of music and find it impossibly to freak out. I have every word memorized, consciously or not. (Sorry mom.) I can’t explain what it is, but I wanted to make this post to thank her. There have been moments where her music was the only thing. The only thing that kept me from thinking really sucky thoughts. If music helps you, in any way, use it. Don't be ashamed even if it seems ridiculous because it onl affects you. After Taylor I like 1920s swing, so maybe it is just because I'm not one to judge. I have a lot of interests. Which is great. Until it's not. I have about five major writing projects I'm excited about right now. Make that six. Which makes my productivity levels seem low if I drop one for a second. I am all over the place. All the time. Just how I like it.
You have to challenge yourself in all parts of your life. It is the only way you can figure out just how much you can do. Every project I keep open has different goals attached to it. Sentence structure, playing around with an intricate plot, characters, theme, and color mixing technique... or wait that might be a painting thing. ASL is a beautiful language. Flowing and hypnotizing, it goes beyond words. That is why I embedded a video below. Sarah Tubert signs the opening number to the popular musical "Hamilton." I often watch song interpretation as a fun way to work on my receptive skills. This is the best video of its sort that I've found. She is so clear and expressive! I've been trying to teach myself sign language for a while now. Through books, websites, a few classes, and a lot of Youtube videos. On this earth, I think one of the most important things in life is to work to communicate with the world around you to the best of your ability. And this is taking a step towards just that.
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Who Am I?Hi there! I'm Whit, my pronouns are they/them, and I write a lot.
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Painting by Whit Acrylics on masonite April 20th, 2019 Words are a Quaker saying. George Fox? |