“Water are you doing this summer? Seas the day!” This isn’t a philosophy or physics evaluation of any sorts. Looking back on this July makes me -- happy, confused, and lonely at the same time/ it's miserable and magical, oh yeah// -- ha, T. Swizzle reference. Anyway, I have gotten to see family, sleep overnight in hotels that are 50 miles from my house (long story, but it doesn't matter because I feel so fancy), meet confidence boosting personal goals in my writing, and completely lose all sense of priorities and order. I have one of those obnoxious eecards next to my desk that reads: I add 'Read Books' to my to-do list every day so I know I'll get at least one things done." My mom plopped that on my desk out of nowhere a while ago, and it hasn't lost it's tbh-ness.*
One thing in particular made me stop yesterday. I am still healing from severe injuries to my feet, I have the coolest orthopedic shoes I could manage with my given options, but they are still quite hardy. I'm still clumsy, that hasn't changed, and I feel the shock in the rest of my body and hear the sound when I stub my toe. Or the closest equivalent. I used to do it all the time and had to spend the next two minutes jumping around and cursing the inanimate object I ran into. Except, now, I don't feel a thing. And that isn't fair! I want to be able to bang my foot against something and notice! Yes, those thoughts did actually pass through my head, true story. It is silly because there's even a possibility that if I did have more sensation that it would be more excruciating because of the injury. It leads to one question: Would you rather go through life not feeling most pain (physical+mental+emotional+social) and be in jeopardy of missing problems, or suffer through it all to grow a stronger backbone?** I'm not sure of my answer because I know what I want it to be... and than what I might realistically choose given the opportunity. In the life we live in, the only option is to go through it. Little by little we rise and fall. Recovery from anything from an illness to a bad habit is never linear. You will have downs, but big picture, you will beat it. You are stronger than you think you are. I hope you don't have to test that, but know that you can if need be. *TBH: to be honest. I was just describing the embarrassing truth that it brings. ** Unless your pain eminates from your back.
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Who Am I?Hi there! I'm Whit, my pronouns are they/them, and I write a lot.
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Painting by Whit Acrylics on masonite April 20th, 2019 Words are a Quaker saying. George Fox? |