Pronouns are how we refer to someone without using their name. Instead of saying, “I love Jessica. Jessica is cool,” someone might say, “I love Jessica. She is cool.” Pronouns are super useful and we use them all the time in English (I don’t think all languages have them). We also use them to refer to a group of people (plural). If there are three people talking, I could point (rude, I know) and ask, “What are they talking about?”
Linguistically: Ask the DictionariesOxford (Read their blog post, “A Brief History of singular ‘they.’”), Cambridge, and Merriam-Webster dictionaries have all officially added something along the lines of “used to refer to someone of an unspecified gender” and/or “a gender-neutral person” to their definitions of "they.". Dictionary.com even has this handy usage guide about the pronoun. Additionally, the American Psychological Association "endorsed" the use of they as a singular pronoun. Any “grammar nut”* who claims that “they/them” pronouns are not “proper English” don’t actually know what they are talking about. Try suggesting they ask a linguist or English teacher and to confirm my claims. Chances are, the haters won’t because they don’t actually care about the grammar, they only pull out that card when it suits them. I think people only began having an opinion over the use of “they” as a singular pronoun after it started to be openly used by queer people who are gender-nuetral. I’ll never stop begging everyone I meet to read Word by Word by Kory Stamper, a lexicographer who works for Merriam-Webster. For now, I would like to share some of her thoughts because they definitely apply here. One of the biggest themes of her book is that language is fluid and controlled by no one. In her fourth chapter, “Irregardless - On Wrong Words,” Stamper talked about the word "irredgardless" and all of the comotion it caused. Remember that? “Of course ‘irregardless’ wasn’t a real word. ‘It’s a made-up word that was entered into the dictionary through constant use;’” she wrote. That’s how it works. “that’s pretty much how this racket works. “All words are made-up: Do you think we find them fully formed on the ocean floor, or mine for them in some remote part of Wales?” (pg. 65) So, even if you think "they" to refer to one person is a new thing (which it's not), new words are always popping up and other ones fade away. Who says "afeard" instead of "frightened" anymore? (Lexico). * I refuse to call even the most obnoxious people "grammar-nazis." The only people I call Nazis are actual Nazis. If you like the word, don’t worry, you don’t have to look far to find real ones. History of UseI’ve linked information about the history of this from Oxford Dictionary, Dictionary.com above, and, look, here’s another one: “The past, present, and future of the singular ‘they’” from Vox, “The pronoun is Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year. Here’s why.” Here are the main (linguistic) points they all cover:
When It Gets QueerI’ve covered the fact that we all use "they" to refer to individuals in different ways all of the time. One day, someone will probably ask you to always use it when referring to them, specifically. Someone like me.
Using the correct pronouns for people matters. And for the price of just $0.00 you can help someone feel safe and not horrible by doing it! Finally, if you are still worried about the sanctity of the English language, I’d like to leave you with one more Stamper quote. We think of English as a child. We love and nurture it into being, and once it gains gross motor skills, it starts going exactly where we don’t want it to go: it heads right for the goddamned electrical sockets. We dress it in fancy clothes and tell it to behave, and it comes home with its underwear on its head and wearing someone else’s socks. As English grows, it lives its own life, and this is right and healthy, Sometimes English does exactly what we think it should; sometimes it goes places we don’t like and thrives there in spite of all our worrying. We can tell it to clean itself up and act more like Latin; we can throw tantrums and start learning French instead. But we will never really be the boss of it. And that’s why it flourishes.” (pg. 51; end of chapter 3, “It’s - On ‘Grammar’” tl;dr If someone asks you to use they/them pronouns for them: please, try your damn hardest to do so. It’s important. Oh, and, "they" aren’t going anywhere.
1 Comment
1/20/2020 04:28:17 pm
Well said, thanks for this. And I love the Stamper quote about how language is an organic thing.
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Who Am I?Hi there! I'm Whit, my pronouns are they/them, and I write a lot.
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