Some people pin it on either one, but you can hear new music from either or listen to what you always do. That's the best part. So, no winner. I'm Quaker: it's a tie.
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It's easy to think we have control. And that we know when we don't. We think we can measure time, distance, and even pain.
What's longer, one minute for the microwave or on the treadmill? It's just a joke I heard, but it got me thinking. Time can be warped by so many things. One minute feels different depending on the activity or day. It can be measured by breaths, the sun, or maybe height of a small child marked against a wall. And even distance. It's solid. Always facts. But, a single distance can feel shorter after doing it day after day. I for one, know all too well how far ten feet can feel after an injury. And I probably shouldn't get started on pain. After you go through enough of it, you think you should get used to it. I know what it means to lie awake at night trying not to scream too loud. And yet, weeks later, with something way less minor, you go through it all over again. You think you know pain, but still can forget it, somehow. All of these things can be warped. Usually per the fault of emotions. But, if you can remember that, and hold on to that, you get ready for it. Life shouldn't be so measured. I live in a very conservative area, so I'm used to the hate. I use that word broadly. It wasn't specifically aimed toward me. Which is part of the problem. The people being mentioned, with different justifications, fixated on groups they saw as less than for whatever reason. You got your racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, and classism. To name a few. You different in any way? They'll find somehow to outcast you.
But, we aren't talking about everyone. We are talking about Jane* and I in gym class. This was 7th grade and we'd been friends for a while. We both knew were the other stood and chose not to talk about it. This one day some comment about religion came up. Who knows who said it. There was no malice in it, just a sweet thing. Maybe it was Easter? And as we walked around the track, we had a conversation I will never forget. Back and forth, we exchanged traditions we experienced. She was strictly, what I call "mainstream Christian." I do not want to offend by mis-labeling. They seem loud and brash with their opinions, and lead with a need for you to agree. #praythegayaway What I mean is, people too often just say Christian. When it is an umbrella to a number of different churches. I say mainstream because we are talking about what is on the media right now. I'm Quaker and in many ways I contradict everything she was raised upon. Love everyone? Not really in her vocabulary. But, then this magical thing happened. A conversation. Even one between to people we didn't agree and also not on a path to change each other's opinions. Calm. And matter-of-fact. This is what I believe. Oh, you don't agree? That's ok. We can coexist, as long as you are happy. *names changed for the post Late last year I got really hurt. As in, multiple surgeries and in the hospital for 117 days. I've been in physical therapy for months. I had to learn to walk all over again. Needing a special shoe on one foot, and a knee brace on the other leg. It's been hard. But, little by little, I've made progress. This past week it's gotten harder in a different way. I started with nothing. Today I was standing on a mat that was already hard to balance on and using on of those 'BodyBlades' (shown in photo). It was ridiculously difficult and I fell a lot. My physical therapist was there, so I didn't get hurt, I just lost my balance and was suddenly looking at my feet. And that was amazing. The first time I faltered, it was terrifying. It was the first time I had been on my own enough to make a mistake like that. Before it was four people to help me turn on my side. And now I was on my own. Standing and holding weight and through in some balance and core to go along with it. Just because because it is harder... you have to take a step back to look at your comparisons. I decided it was time to follow my dreams of living with a total writers aesthetic. I know that bullet journals have recently popular. But, writing is not a new thing. Never start on the first page. I like to save that in case I want a title. If I flip it upside down and open it from the back, I'll find my table of contents (that never runs out of space.) I have calendars: monthly and day by day. Lists: to do and lists of things to buy next time I go to Target. I also finally figured out a rating system for my books. If I want to read them or check them out in the library, and then write over the title (and author) in pen. Each pen color belongs to a number, 1-5, on my system. Red is 5 and the best. In addition, I have symbols I can put next to a title if so inspired. If it made me want to think, write, or fall in love. I think a journal, by any name, gives a great opportunity for positive self talk. Note goals and then accomplishments. I flat out have a list of random nice things. Like I went to a salon to get my nails painted. My favorite author newest book was in the library. I reorganized my room. They can be big. Or not. I have some journal entries, when I feel like it. As organized and planned as your book may be, don't forget what it is about. Writing. Ideas, schedules, or anything. You shouldn't force it. What ever happens, happens. Just have fun. |
Who Am I?Hi there! I'm Whit, my pronouns are they/them, and I write a lot.
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Painting by Whit Acrylics on masonite April 20th, 2019 Words are a Quaker saying. George Fox? |